'Just come for the meal, no gift needed' — worker's dilemma over colleague's second wedding sparks debate

A worker's account of being asked to attend a colleague's second wedding has sparked a lively debate online.

On June 12, a post titled "Should I go to my coworker's second wedding?" spread across multiple online communities.

The author, who identified as an unmarried office worker and went by the initial A, said the dilemma arose after learning that a colleague, referred to as B, was remarrying. A had already attended B's first wedding and wondered whether it was really necessary to show up — and give a cash gift — a second time, especially as someone who had never married.

What made it harder to decline was B's earnest plea. "Since it's a second marriage, my colleague said there probably won't be many guests and really wanted me to come," A wrote, adding that B had tried to ease the pressure by saying, "Just come for the meal — no gift necessary." A was skeptical, however, writing: "How many people would actually show up empty-handed just because someone said that?"

The venue's location added to A's hesitation — getting there required roughly an hour and a half of driving each way.

Many readers sided with A. "There's no obligation to spend three hours round-trip attending someone's second wedding," one commenter wrote. Others said A was free to skip it, and that attending a coworker's personal events twice over was asking too much.

Others, however, urged more empathy. "It sounds like the colleague is genuinely worried about having too few guests — you should consider that," one user wrote. Some argued that declining a request that came with a waived gift would be poor form, while others noted that since A and B have to see each other at work every day, making even a brief appearance could be the wiser choice.

Underlying such dilemmas is the growing financial weight of wedding cash gifts, which have risen steadily year after year.

According to a trend report titled "How much should you give at a wedding?" that NH NongHyup Bank released on May 14, the average cash gift given by guests at friends' and family members' weddings last year was 117,000 won ($85). The figure is based on an analysis of 5.33 million transactions by 1.15 million customers who transferred wedding gifts between January 2023 and December 2025.

The average gift rose consistently — from 110,000 won ($80) in 2023 to 114,000 won ($83) in 2024 and 117,000 won ($85) last year — an increase of roughly 6.9 percent over two years.

By amount, 50,000-won ($36) gifts were the most common, accounting for 42.3 percent of all transfers, followed by 100,000 won ($73) at 39.7 percent and 200,000 won ($146) at 7.5 percent. The trend is shifting away from the 50,000-won gift: its share fell from 46.5 percent in 2023 to 42.3 percent last year, while the share of 100,000-won gifts rose from 36.1 percent to 39.7 percent and 200,000-won gifts climbed from 6.1 percent to 7.5 percent over the same period.

High-value gifts are also on the rise. Transfers of 1 million won ($730) or more grew from 2.95 percent of all gifts in 2023 to 3.17 percent last year, while those of 10 million won ($7,300) or more increased from 0.22 percent to 0.36 percent. Analysts attributed part of the increase to a marriage and childbirth gift-tax exemption introduced in 2024.

By age group, people in their 20s and 30s gave the most on average, at 138,000 won ($101), followed by those 60 and older at 118,000 won ($86) and those in their 40s and 50s at 107,000 won ($78).