'We can always have another child': Man, 34, says mother's words after near-drowning left him shattered

A 34-year-old man's painful confession that he would rather have been an orphan than endure his relationship with his mother drew widespread attention after airing on television.

On Tuesday's episode of tvN Story's variety program "Lee Ho-sun Counseling Center," the man opened up about his struggles, saying he had spent years trying to be the son his mother wanted but had grown too worn out to continue. "The relationship itself has become a burden I can no longer carry," he said.

He described feeling envious of the close bond between his cousin and her mother, and said his mother's expectation that he act like a daughter — combined with her repeated reminders to "treat me well while I'm still alive" — had weighed heavily on him.

He admitted he had never once shared these feelings with his mother. "She already has a hard time, and I didn't want to add to that," he said.

His mother, speaking on the same episode, said her son had always been attentive — remembering gifts for relatives at holidays, never missing her birthday or Parents' Day. "But this past Parents' Day, there was nothing," she said. "My son, who had always been so thoughtful, suddenly changed. I was shocked. I want to know why."

Counselor Lee Ho-sun suggested the pain likely had roots going back a long time. The son confirmed this, recalling that his parents had fought frequently when he was young and that his older brother had often hit him. "My parents let it pass without much scolding," he said.

He also revealed that he had long blamed himself for the family's financial difficulties, believing his frequent childhood illnesses had drained the household. "From second grade, I got used to handling everything on my own so I wouldn't be a burden," he said. "Even when I was bullied at school, I dealt with it alone. I didn't want to lean on my family."

He went on to describe a household marked by domestic violence — his mother had once been rushed to the emergency room after his father assaulted her so severely she could not breathe, and he himself had been slapped by his father after telling him his brother was being beaten by neighborhood kids.

Even as he recounted these painful memories, the man kept smiling throughout.

Lee observed that the son's remark — that he sometimes wished he had been born in an orphanage — sounded like a wish that he had never had parents at all. "In cases like this, there are often difficulties at school as well," she said.

The son confirmed he had been bullied throughout his school years.

The son also expressed hurt over how his mother had reacted to an incident in which he nearly drowned as a child.

The mother said that when her son was swept up in a current at around age 3, she had not felt confident she could save him and had fled, leaving him behind to seek help.

She explained that she had later told her adult son the truth: "I thought I might die too, so I turned around and got out. I told him honestly — 'I thought we could always have another child, and since I felt like I was going to die, I left to save myself.' It seems that was a shock to him."

Lee was direct in her assessment. "That was something that did not need to be said," she told the mother. "That honest admission is likely where your son's wounds began."

Lee also pointed out that when a son who had never once missed Parents' Day suddenly stops, a parent's first instinct should be concern, not hurt feelings. "Think about what it would mean if your son cut off contact entirely," she said.

The mother responded that she had sensed the distance growing. "I felt lonely seeing his one-word text replies and thought, 'At this rate, we might just drift apart,'" she said. "I thought, 'They say a woman unlucky in marriage is unlucky with her children too — I guess that's me. Well, he's his father's son after all.'"

Lee pressed her: "I wonder if it's because you've spent your whole life only receiving. What do you give your son?" The mother had no answer.

Ultimately, Lee delivered her verdict: "Your son is hurting."

Pre-session assessments had shown the son scoring high on antisocial tendencies.

Lee explained the results: "This happens when someone feels alienated within their own family. He gives everything and gets nothing back. He receives no recognition — it's as if he doesn't exist. His autonomy score is 19, but his self-acceptance is just 1. He pours everything into others and has nothing left for himself. He is completely spent."

The mother's results, by contrast, showed low anxiety and low social sensitivity — meaning she had difficulty recognizing others' pain. Lee said this likely explained why the mother had been unable to anticipate how deeply her son was suffering.

"Now I understand why he keeps smiling," Lee said. "He learned from a young age that he was not allowed to cry." She then advised the son to cut off contact with his mother for three years.

When the mother burst into tears at hearing this, the son gently patted her to comfort her and, through his own tears, said he thought one year might be enough.

But Lee was firm. "Don't touch your mother," she told him. "Live selfishly for just three years. Use that time to heal."