'Kneel down and write an apology letter': Man decides to divorce after mother-in-law's demand humiliates him

A man who borrowed his jeonse deposit for his newlywed home from his mother-in-law has decided to divorce. He said he could no longer endure his wife's verbal abuse and violence, along with his mother-in-law's excessive interference. His wife claims he is the one at fault for secretly taking out a loan. The man, however, says he wants to hold her legally accountable for the abuse and violence she inflicted on him.

The man, identified only as A, shared his story Thursday on YTN Radio's "Cho In-seop's Counseling Center." He said he felt wronged after his mother-in-law found out about a loan he had taken out without his wife's knowledge. She then demanded he kneel down and write a letter of apology.

According to A, he grew up in difficult circumstances and had been sending money to support his parents' household right up until his marriage. He took out a loan to cover those living expenses but did not tell his wife, believing he could quickly pay it back with his salary.

His wife's family, by contrast, was relatively well-off financially, and the couple began their married life using a jeonse deposit that his mother-in-law lent them for their home.

A claimed that his mother-in-law would visit frequently and without notice, and that his wife took this for granted.

"I couldn't even properly rest in my own home. It felt like I was living with my wife, my mother-in-law and two bosses," A said.

The financial burden grew even heavier after the couple had a child.

Still sending money to support his parents, A took out an additional loan of 20 million to 30 million won ($22,400) to cover the shortfall, without telling his wife.

"Whenever I brought up money with my wife, she would get furious, so I never told her about the loans," he said. "There was even a time I called 112 because of her violent behavior."

But the situation grew far more serious after his wife discovered the secret loan, and his mother-in-law got involved.

According to A, his wife checked his bank account and card statements, then called in her mother, who forced him to kneel down and write a letter of apology.

Feeling humiliated by this, A ultimately asked for a divorce.

His wife argues that A is the one at fault in the marriage's breakdown because he hid the loan. But A is seeking help to hold her legally responsible instead, citing her verbal abuse and violence.

A also asked, "My wife is arguing that I can't receive anything in a property division, because the jeonse deposit for the home we currently live in was money my mother-in-law provided, and the insurance policy was also contracted in her name. But that deposit and the insurance policy were something we maintained together throughout our marriage — do I really have to walk away empty-handed without receiving a single won in the property division?"

On this, Attorney Kim Mi-ru said, "Since the loan was used for the family's living expenses rather than for gambling or wasteful spending, simply failing to disclose it does not automatically make him the party at fault. Rather, the primary responsibility for the marriage's breakdown lies with the wife, who stood by while her mother excessively interfered and who humiliated him with violent threats and a forced apology letter."

Kim advised, "In the mother-in-law's case, it would not be easy to directly claim damages against her unless illegal acts such as direct assault or persistent verbal abuse can be proven, but he can claim damages against his wife."

On the matter of property division, Kim added, "Since there is no loan agreement or record of interest payments, the mother-in-law's support for the jeonse deposit would effectively be recognized as a 'gift,' and A can also claim a share of the property division based on his contribution. However, the insurance policy's cash surrender value would only be included in the property division if the wife is the contract holder, regardless of who paid the premiums, and the personal loan he took out before marriage to support his parents' household would be excluded from division, since it was not a debt incurred for the couple's shared life."