'Get your ex back': Chinese women pay millions for romance coaching that rarely works

Growing numbers of Chinese women are paying thousands of yuan for "romance coaching" services that promise to reunite them with former partners. The companies advertise success rates of 90 percent, but experts say the industry preys on people who are psychologically vulnerable in the immediate aftermath of a breakup.

A 28-year-old Chinese woman identified only as Wan paid 3,500 yuan ($516) for a month of around-the-clock coaching aimed at winning back her ex-boyfriend, according to the South China Morning Post on Friday.

The coach began with a free 90-minute phone consultation and told Wan that her ex had not left because he stopped loving her, but because her anxiety had put too much pressure on him. The coach added that the anxiety itself stemmed from not receiving enough love from her parents.

The coach then proposed a month-long reconciliation program. For the first 21 days, Wan was told to cut off all contact with her ex. The coach also provided tips on changing her appearance, suggested conversation topics, and taught her so-called "conversation hooks" designed to sustain his interest. She was advised to post images of her self-improvement consistently on social media so her ex would see them.

The coaches guaranteed a 90 percent success rate if she followed the program to the letter. But even after Wan followed every instruction, the result was the opposite of what she had hoped for — her ex ultimately blocked her.

Chinese social media platforms are flooded with self-styled "relationship experts" promoting online reconciliation services, with their primary customers being women unable to move on from a former partner. On one Chinese platform, the hashtag "#getbacktogether" has been viewed 970 million times, while "#datingskills" has surpassed 10.4 billion views.

Experts say a social climate that ties women's happiness to their relationship and marriage status has deepened their anxiety, fueling demand for this type of content.

After being blocked by her ex, Wan confronted her coach about the promised 90 percent success rate. The only response was a pitch to purchase an "advanced package with a more experienced mentor" for 9,800 yuan.

Six months after the breakup, Wan said she has come to accept that the relationship is over. But she acknowledged that in the immediate aftermath, "the pain was unbearable and I desperately needed someone to comfort me."

She also acknowledged that her anxiety had been compounded by the belief that she would struggle to find a more suitable partner than her ex in today's marriage market.

In practice, it is not uncommon in China for people to spend tens of thousands of yuan trying to reunite with a former partner. One woman paid 20,000 yuan for a program called "Reuniting with Your Ex with Dignity." Because she had been the one to initiate the divorce, she said she felt she needed her ex-husband to propose reconciliation first in order to save face in front of her friends.