Father-in-law calls every day to see grandkids — and daughter-in-law wants it to stop

A daughter-in-law's account of feeling overwhelmed by her father-in-law's daily video calls to see his grandchildren has drawn widespread attention online.

The post, titled "My father-in-law video calls every day — how do I get him to dial it back?" appeared recently on Blind, a workplace community app.

According to the author, identified only as A, her husband's family is from the Gyeongsang region and has two children — a son and a daughter — both married with grandchildren of their own.

A said she and her husband received 100 million won ($72,400) from his family at the time of their marriage. The couple currently observes three ancestral rites a year and spends one night a month at her in-laws' home.

"I exchange texts or calls about four times a week and have always tried to be as warm and affectionate as possible," she wrote.

The trouble began after the birth of her first child. "Three years ago, after our first was born, my father-in-law took a strong liking to his grandchild — who looks just like him — and started video calling every other day," she wrote. "Then, once I got pregnant with our second, the calls started coming every single day."

A said her husband frequently works late, leaving her to handle childcare alone on weekdays. "Between morning sickness, commuting, looking after the first child, taking care of myself and keeping up with the housework, getting a video call every day is exhausting," she wrote.

The situation became worse when she missed a call. Her father-in-law would send messages saying he felt hurt, or ask why she had not called back.

Her husband had spoken to his father several times, asking him to ease up on the calls, but to no avail.

A also said she felt she had fallen into what she called "good daughter-in-law syndrome." "I tried telling him nicely, in a way that wouldn't hurt his feelings, but his response was basically, 'What's so hard about a one-minute call?'" she wrote. She added that her father-in-law does not call his daughter or son-in-law with the same frequency. "I just want the daily video calls to stop, without anyone's feelings getting hurt — is there any way to do that?" she asked, seeking advice.

Readers responded with a range of views. "He sounds like a good person — can't you just answer?" wrote one. Others said, "If it's hard, just say so," "You don't have to accommodate every little hurt feeling," "If you can't put a stop to it now, you'll be doing this for the rest of your life," and "You should only do as much as you're able."