Husband who cheated asks if he must give up all assets in divorce

A man who had an affair with a coworker and was served with divorce papers by his wife has shared his dilemma over how their assets should be divided.

A video titled "Does having an affair mean you have to give up all your assets? Asset division for the at-fault spouse" was recently posted to the YouTube channel of attorney Yang Na-rae.

The man, identified only as A, is in his 40s, has been married for nine years and has one son. He said he had been in an inappropriate relationship with a coworker since late last year and was caught by his wife within three months.

"I knew it was wrong, but I felt romantic feelings for the first time in a long time, and before I knew it my heart had wavered when she kept flattering me," A said.

His wife was devastated after discovering evidence of the affair — she lost roughly 7 to 8 kilograms within a month. Even with a child at home, she said she could not control her emotions and found herself repeatedly lashing out at A whenever she saw him. She ultimately told him she wanted a divorce.

A begged for forgiveness, telling his wife he had no intention of abandoning the family and that he would do whatever she asked if she would only not divorce him. But his wife said she could not stop thinking about the affectionate messages between A and the other woman and the photos they had taken together, and said she could not continue the marriage. She called for a divorce without wavering.

In response, A told his wife he would agree to divorce on her terms. She then called for him to hand over his share of their jointly owned home and her own savings and deposits, while he would be responsible for repaying the mortgage.

"At first I thought, 'I was in the wrong, so I should just do whatever my wife wants,'" A said. "But when I think about life after the divorce, I'm already in my 40s, and I spent everything I earned and invested on buying that house — I don't know how I'm supposed to start over with nothing."

He went on to ask, "I know I'm 100 percent at fault, but I'm wondering whether I really have to give up every single asset, or whether it would be right to go through litigation and receive a fair division of property."

Attorney Yang Na-rae said "even a spouse who is at fault can still claim a share of the marital assets if they contributed to building and maintaining them — the division is based on the degree of that contribution." She added that "while it is clear that the person in this case bears fault, asset division is handled separately from the grounds for fault, and a claim can still be filed and granted."

She then cautioned that overly demanding settlement terms can backfire. "If the conditions you propose in a settlement are 100 percent in your favor, the other party is unlikely to agree and the chances of going to litigation go up," she said.

"Even if it goes to court, the other party will be entitled to a portion," she added. "It is actually more advantageous to offer the minimum amount the other party can reasonably live on and reach a settlement that keeps the case out of court."