'I love you, babe': Man discovers wife's affair with coworker through open laptop

A man has shared his story of discovering affectionate messages between his wife and a male coworker on her laptop, six years into their marriage.

According to YTN Radio's "Jo In-seop's Legal Consultation," which aired Wednesday, the man — identified only as A — and his wife are six years married with one young son. A said he had been happy watching his child grow up day by day, but recently noticed his wife had changed. At some point, she stopped wanting to have long conversations with him. Whenever he brought up books or films he enjoyed, she would cut him off, saying things like "You wouldn't understand" or "You're not interested in that kind of thing."

"At some point my wife put a new password on her phone, and after work or on weekends she would often slip away, saying she had to deal with work matters," A said. Then one day, he came across a messenger conversation on his wife's laptop, which had been left open. "The other person was a man who works at the same company," he said. "The messages were full of things like 'I want to see you this weekend' and 'I love you, babe.' Everything went dark in front of my eyes."

A said he wanted to confront his wife immediately and throw divorce papers at her, but could not bring himself to make a hasty decision when he thought of their young child. "At the same time, I can't just let this go as if nothing happened," he said.

A said he wants to hold the other man legally accountable for disrupting his family. "All the evidence I have is a few screenshots of the messenger conversation I happened to take on my phone," he said. He asked whether he could hire a private investigator or install a GPS tracker on a vehicle to gather more solid evidence, and whether he could file suit against the other man alone without telling his wife.

Attorney Lee Jun-heon of Shinsegae Law first addressed whether A could sue the other man for damages while keeping the marriage intact. "That is possible," Lee said, adding however that if the case proceeds without a divorce, the court may award a lower damages figure than it would if divorce proceedings were filed at the same time.

Lee said the messenger conversation records are "very powerful core evidence" of an affair. For the evidence to carry more weight, he said, it helps to have more than just a line or two of affectionate language — ideally a sustained exchange that allows the relationship to be inferred, including pet names the two used for each other and any messages referencing trips or stays at lodging establishments.

On the question of private investigators and GPS trackers, Lee warned that he would "absolutely not recommend" either approach and that both require "extreme caution."

"Evidence obtained through illegal means may be admitted in a civil suit, but it can simultaneously expose you to criminal liability — meaning the harm could far outweigh any benefit," he said.

Lee explained that lawful methods of gathering evidence include filing a motion for evidence preservation and requesting a court order for the disclosure of financial transaction records. He also noted that if A has rightful authority over the vehicle registered in his wife's name, he can extract the memory card from its dashcam himself to obtain video and audio files.

Lee added that CCTV footage from lodging establishments or buildings is easily refused or deleted if requested privately, so A should apply to the court for an evidence preservation order before or shortly after filing suit to secure a prompt judicial order for the footage. "Once litigation begins, you can apply through the court for an order compelling the submission of financial transaction records — such as credit card payment histories and bank transfer records belonging to your wife or the other party," he said. "That will allow you to legally obtain records of payments at lodging establishments, the times of those payments, and movement patterns."