Man who skipped funeral wake to say goodbye at burial site turned away by grieving widow

A man in his 60s who had hoped to pay his last respects at a burial site after missing his friend's funeral wake was publicly rebuked and turned away by the deceased's family, according to a recently aired television segment.

The story of the man, identified only as A, a Busan resident in his 60s, was featured on JTBC's "Sageon Banjang," a current-affairs program.

A learned that a friend he had known since middle school had died of a chronic illness. The two had not met often after the friend moved to Seoul, but they had kept in occasional contact over the years.

The funeral wake was held in Seoul, while the cremation and burial were to take place in Busan. The friends agreed among themselves that those living in the Greater Seoul area would attend the Seoul wake, while those near Busan would see the deceased off at the cremation and burial.

When A and his group arrived at the crematorium, the deceased's wife confronted them. "You didn't show your face at the wake, so why are you here?" she said. "If you were a 40-year friend, shouldn't you have come to the wake no matter what? I don't want to see you — please leave."

A explained that he was 70 years old and found long-distance travel difficult, which was why he had chosen to say goodbye in Busan. Ultimately, he and his companions watched the final farewell from a distance, separated from the rest of the mourners.

A said he felt hurt by the way the widow had dressed him down in front of everyone, but also weighed down by the thought that perhaps he should have made the trip to the Seoul wake after all.

Commenting on the case, social commentator Choi Hyeong-jin said funeral customs have become much more informal in recent years, and that people should be free to pay their respects in whatever way suits their circumstances.

Park Sang-hee, a psychology professor, said the deceased's wife may have simply wanted as many friends as possible to attend the wake, but added that expressing condolences at the burial site is also a meaningful way to say goodbye.

Park Ji-hoon, a lawyer, said that while attending the wake would have been ideal, turning away those who had made the effort to come to the burial site showed no respect for the deceased either.